Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Insult and Injury

I have "Bad Mommy" moments.  I am sure all moms do.  You make a choice and it is a bad one and leads to something worse happening or worse when you just plain have an accident and things get worse from there.  
Yesterday we were hanging out at home when I told the kids I was going to have a shower.  Jack and Sophia were playing so I thought it was a good time to go.  Of course both wanted to come with me so all 3 of us have a shower.  Fine, we are clean and warm and getting dry when I go to pick Jack up to take him to his room to get dressed.  As I go to pick him up my large ungainly belly gets a massive pain underneath and I hunch over gasping and let go of one of Jack's arms.  I am holding him just under one arm and so I try to compensate and lift him higher so I can get him on my hip but instead drop him even more so that now I am holding him by only his arm just between his elbow and wrist.  I put him down, screaming and crying (him, not me) and take a moment to recover and then attempt to walk him to his room to get dressed.  He is screaming and holding his arm, telling me I hurt it and asking me to kiss it better.  I do this, multiple times, and proceed to dress him.  This begins a series of screaming unlike most I have ever heard before.  I immediately know something is wrong.  This is not my Jack - he never cries for more than a moment over anything.  He is holding his left arm in his right and refusing to move it.  I make a flurry of phone calls and leave for urgent care, Sophia safe in my neighbors home and Dallin on alert at work.  We have a few hours of waiting and tests in urgent care to find out that he has dislocated his elbow.  Scratch that, I have dislocated his elbow!  I am in tears for most of the afternoon watching my baby in such pain.  It is heartbreaking and there is nothing I can do.  He is so helpless and small - so dependent on Mommy.  When the dr takes his arm to reset it I think he might burst a lung from the screaming.   Then, magically, it is better and he is happy Jack again.  No tears, no pain, nothing.  I cannot even express the relief and happiness that it brought me, I can only imagine how good it felt to him!  Happy as can be and with a sticker and a popsicle we leave to go home.  He is running around, climbing things and giving me a heart attack at every turn that we are going to re-injure his poor elbow.  You would never even know it had happened!
Bad mommy moments happen.  The guilt I had for the entire day yesterday was overwhelming and I was almost embarrassed to tell people what had happened.  It wasn't even like I had done it "to" him, yanking his arm, punishing him or being a mean mom, but the shame was still there.  I guess we take the good with the bad and hope our kids turn out alright in the end.  I am still sad for what happened but I am sure it will make for a good story someday ....

1 comment:

  1. that is so scary! I am glad he is ok. Poor Jack and poor you!